mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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