i will never coherently bang her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
