she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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