Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
