if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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