Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize