I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
