Define "chronic" masturbator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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