my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
