Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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