You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
