I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
