He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
