I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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