Non-Jews are for practice
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
