I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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