yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
