i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
