That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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