Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize