is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
