true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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