If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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