Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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