i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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