Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize