By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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