Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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