i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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