It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
