an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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