In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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