The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
