It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
