Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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