friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
