Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
