I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
COCAINE IS GR8
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
