I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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