Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
