we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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