Nicole vs. Life
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
