i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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