When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize