Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
