First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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