she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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