why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
