I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
