If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
