we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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