I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
