my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
