I wish I could teleport
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
