Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
