My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
