is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
