i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
