I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize