i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
