I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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