By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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