I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
