new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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