i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
