The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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