idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
