i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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