Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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