I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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