Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
