So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
